when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
