I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
