So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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