Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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