Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
