JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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