worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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