when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
