Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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