she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
