you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
