Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
