that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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