I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
