You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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