Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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