I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
