I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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