new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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