just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
