Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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