Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
