Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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