I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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