Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
