Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
