And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
