I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
