...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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