We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
