haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
love makes seman taste better
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
