Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
