too bad you live with your parents still
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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