so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize