Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
