he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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