he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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