Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
