i just wanna soil my oats bro
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
