THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
