i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
