i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
