Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
