We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
