Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think my vagina is haunted
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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