oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
