she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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