so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
