someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
