in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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