I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
