it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
