It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
