Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
