My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
