Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
that may or may not have been my penis.
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