You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
