I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
