What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
