My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
