Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
