i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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