I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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