just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
