me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dear god my vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
