i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
