I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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