saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
