you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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