I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
