she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
do nipples grow back?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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