allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
