i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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