so explain again why im purple
no
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
