It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
