I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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