im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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