You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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