I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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