I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
