good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
