You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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