Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
40s are totally the cure
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
