Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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