he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
